It might surprise you to find out that stupid people can be found on every continent (except Antarctica), not just here at home. Even more surprising, that rampant idiocy can actually sneak its way into the government at nearly every level. I know what you’re thinking: stupid people in the government? Preposterous! But it’s true! Dummies are everywhere, and sometimes they’re even in charge of some really important stuff. Thankfully, this list isn’t about the stupid people who run the government, it’s the about the idiots in charge of the world’s signage. Here are 17 incredibly stupid road signs scattered across the globe that you probably don’t want to follow. Enjoy!
1. Keep Right
The worst part about this guy is that there’s a fence. I mean, I’ve heard of speed traps, but tow truck traps? I imagine the closest town is just an ambulance chaser and a shady mechanic carving out their own little share of the American Dream.
2. Not In Use
Quick, look away! In this small town in the United Kingdom, you might get hit with a fine if you’re using government property that’s not currently meant to be used. It’s hard to determine if this is a friendly warning or a calculated trap, though …
3. Simon Says
Here are some people who really take their safety seriously. For all the times you’ve carelessly blown through a stop sign without a second thought, this sign really means stop. After all, Simon said to stop and any grade schooler knows that dude means business.
4. Emergency
This one is just mean. Imagine your car breaking down along this forgotten back road. You begin walking through the baking sun only to come across this total dick move. Emergency phone to be found in way too far away. You’re done for. Sorry!
5. Wet Road
There might be a good reason for this legislative misfire, but I can’t find it. Can you imagine water hitting a road during a rainstorm? Why, it’s simply unthinkable! I’m not sure who runs this little travesty of a government, but someone needs to look into it.
6. The Narrow Road
You know, this is what happens when you allow liberalism to run amok. Imagine trying to squeeze our poor cars into the thin aisle while those jerk face cyclists are allowed to truly own the road. We should do things like they do in the South, where the only place bicycles are allowed is in Walmart toy aisles.
7. Leash Your Pets
Please leash the pets that are not allowed around here in the first place. It just makes you wonder which rule trumps which one, here. Is an unleashed pet a fine? Or is the fine issued purely because the pet is there … it’s a head scratcher.
8. People Crossing
You know, I think it’s about darn time that something like this was put into place. After so many years of people being forced to keep an eye out for those dumb, ungrateful deer, it’s about time that they were forced to show a little consideration for us. I hope this is a trend that continues.
9. I Want To Go To There
I don’t know where this sign is. I don’t know what magical place has to warn its citizens to watch for giant prehistoric creatures, but I definitely want to go to that place. All of that place. Hmmmmm … judging by the balconies in the back, it looks European.
10. Anything Goes
Not speaking any other language but English, and only being aware of the American tradition of including a red line struck through a prohibited activity, I have to assume that this public transit car not only allows pretty much any activity, but they’re actually suggesting mischievous crap for passengers to engage in. Who carries a saw on the train with them?
11. The Traffic Breather
This looks like Chris Christie’s handy work. Either that, or there’s someone in the traffic department who desperately needs to learn the meaning of either “ease” or “congestion.” Or maybe “lane.” Either way, there’s a definite deficiency in that person’s vocabulary.
12. Fat Shaming
This one is just flat-out rude. It’s one thing to warn your passing drivers that the local pedestrians might be taking a little longer than average to cross a sidewalk, but it’s not necessary to point out your local population’s weight problem. That’s not how progress is achieved.
13. Beware of Spinning Objects
Okay, sure, I know your first instinct here is to laugh and keep on driving down the road. We’re here in beautiful New Mexico and, of course, there are cows, and cows get abducted by … wait a second. What else is in New Mexico? It’s a warning! The truth is out there.
14. In Case of Mountain Lion
This sign is just filled with all kinds of bad advice. It starts out strong, by suggesting that people back away from the large predator. Then, it demands the impossible, by suggesting I try to be something I’m not (large). That’s just mean! Also, the suggestion that I fight the huge cat is also unacceptable. Perhaps the only bit of good advice here is the suggestion that you use available children as a shield.
15. Watch Your Heels
At first, it’s tempting to look at this and think it’s the world’s most conscientious sign. How thoughtful of the government to finally take into account the fashionable lady who’s out on the town. Of course, if you’re walking down a cobblestone street in high heels and you’re not being careful, maybe you’re asking for an accident.
16. Watch Out!
This sign is a living testament to the value of reading the fine print. It also does dual duty, since it warns the public of two very pertinent dangers; namely, the sharpness of this very yellow sign … and something about a bridge. I don’t know, it whipped by too quickly as I was driving by.
17. Please Be Safe
This sign — probably found outside a ranch owned by PETA members — is something that could stand to be used in larger circulation. More consideration needs to be given to the poor creature who would leap to feast on a random living organism that fell into its enclo- wait, what the hell is behind that fence?!
