Every country has some outdated laws that seem strange, quaint or comical today, and the United Kingdom is no exception. There are some ancient statutes, archaic decrees and bizarre bans still technically on the books, plus a few modern oddities and urban myths that might make you scratch your head. Since the Magna Carta set forth the principles of common law, England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland have developed admirable legal systems and upheld an enviable tradition of jurisprudence. But quite a few of their rules are completely bonkers. Read on and you’ll see what we mean.
1. It’s Illegal To Be Drunk in a Pub
Evidently there are lots of people breaking this law every night. Relax. It’s not so much the patrons that are committing the crime but the pub landlord for permitting customers to overindulge. This law stems back to the Metropolitan Police Act of 1839 which declared it illegal for the “keeper of a public house to permit drunkenness on premises.” Furthermore, under the Licensing Act of 2003, section 140, it is an offense to allow disorderly conduct in a public house and under section 141 it is an offense to sell alcohol to an intoxicated person. So if the barkeep continues to serve you, the law’s on your side.
2. No Dying in the Houses of Parliament, Please
We’re not sure what the punishment would be for this offense, seeing that you’d already be dead and all, but there’s actually an absurd law against kicking the bucket in the British Houses of Parliament. It’s due to the fact that the building is technically a palace so anyone who croaks there is entitled to a state funeral. If they see you looking sickly, they’ll want to usher you out of there before you draw your last breath.
3. Don’t Even Think About Importing Polish Potatoes
Apparently the Brits are particular about their taters. This isn’t some archaic decree from yore, but a relatively recent addition to the law books. Since 2004, “no person shall import into England potatoes which he knows to be or has reasonable cause to suspect to be Polish potatoes.” Remember that next time you want to smuggle contraband spuds back from Warsaw. It actually has to do with keeping out pests and diseases, something the Department of Environment, Food and Rural Affairs is wise to keep tabs on. Seems kind of random that Polish potatoes were singled out, though.
4. Watch Out – It’s Illegal to ‘Handle a Salmon in Suspicious Circumstances’
Something seems fishy with this law, especially considering the Salmon Act is relatively recent legislative addition from 1986. Was there some outbreak of nefarious salmon fondling that had to be curtailed? Check out the legalese surrounding this bizarre law and laugh at how serious they take these salmon offenses on that side of the pond. Note, this law specifically applies to England, Scotland and Wales. Apparently, you can still suspiciously handle salmon in Northern Ireland to your heart’s content. Good to know.
5. Males Over 14 Must Learn How to Handle a Longbow
This law’s a leftover from Medieval times. It’s still on the books that all Englishmen 14 and up are meant to have two hours of weekly longbow practice, under supervision of the local clergy. No one is really enforcing this archaic archery law anymore, but it might come in handy for some future Hunger Games-like scenario. If nothing else, can they at least update this law to let teenage girls take longbow lessons too?
6. Never Beat Rugs on the Street
The Brits aren’t unreasonable. They do permit you to shake out your doormat, as long as that dusty chore is done before 8am. But as for beating and shaking the dirt out of your carpets and rugs out on a public street, that’s been against the law since 1839. In mockery of this old rule, the London Dungeon recently sent out a staff member to break this law by brazenly whacking a rug on the Westminster Bridge to see what would happen. It didn’t seem to draw the ire of any passing bobbies, so this rogue criminal essentially got away with it.
7. Don’t Wear Armor in the Houses of Parliament
Invited to the illustrious Houses of Parliament and don’t know what to wear? Well, here’s some advice on what NOT to wear. Leave that shiny suit of armor in the closet. Since 1313, it has been illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in metallic knight’s garb, and that quaint anachronism has yet to be repealed. The 700 year old statute reads: “In all Parliaments, and other Assemblies, which should be made in the Realm of England, that every Man shall come without all Force and Armour, well and peaceably, to the Honour of Us, and the Peace of Us and our Realm.” They just want it to be a place of peace, which seems reasonable, but it would be cool to see those MPs all suited up.
8. Don’t Affix a Postage Stamp with the Queen’s Head Upside Down
Off with your head if you stick her on her head! While it seems a tad disrespectful, some say it’s actually tantamount to treason. Well, that’s how some have interpreted the 1848 Treason Felony Act, which considers it a punishable offense to “imagine, invent, devise, or intend to deprive or depose” the reigning monarch. It’s a bit of a stretch to think that an upside down postage stamp bearing the Queen’s head would ever really be considered a crime, so consider this one an urban myth rather than a verifiable law, and lick at your own discretion.
9. Better Not Be Intoxicated With a Cow
Or a horse of a steam engine, for that matter. This law stems from the Licensing Act of 1872 that forbids being “drunk while in charge on any highway or other public place of any carriage, horse, cattle, or steam engine” and violators “shall be liable to a penalty not exceeding forty shillings, or in the discretion of the court to imprisonment.” Tipsy cow tippers, consider yourself forewarned.
10. Don’t Go Fly a Kite
Ever since 1847, Brits have been forbidden by law to have fun flying a kite or even sliding on ice out in the street. It seems a bit draconian, but maybe legislators are just looking out for citizens’ safety. More likely, they’re looking out for activities that might cause a nuisance or safety hazard to passersby. The Town Police Clauses Act deems it is illegal to fly a kite in “any street, to the obstruction, annoyance, or danger of the residents or passengers.” So resist the urge fly your kite down King’s Road or slip-n-slide around Picadilly Circus on a frosty day and you wont have to worry about the 14 days imprisonment for violating this rule.
11. No Hopping a Bus While (Knowingly) Sick With the Plague
You probably think this is a relic law back from when the Black Death was seriously culling the population in the 1300s. It’s actually part of the Public Health (Control of Disease) Act circa 1984! Sections 33 and 34 stipulate that you are not to partake in London’s public conveyances (like taxis or buses) while aware that you have the plague, rabies, smallpox leprosy, food poisoning or other serious “notifiable diseases” unless you inform the driver and they agree (hopefully with the intention of then disinfecting the vehicle pronto). Zombies should stick to walking.
12. Can’t Let Your Pet Mate with a Royal Pet
No matter how cute those Corgi’s are, don’t let your Fido fiddle with them. Commoner pets are not allowed to fornicate with royal pets. This is an often reported rule but it’s hard to find any firm law on the subject. Perhaps it’s just another urban myth, but do you really want your beloved pet to breed into that family anyway?
13. In Scotland, You Have to Let a Stranger Use Your Loo
Rumor has it it’s illegal to turn someone down if they knock on your door and ask to use your facilities. Upon further investigation, it seems there’s no written statute about this issue, but there are some common law legal antecedents stemming from the fact that rural Scottish properties were so far apart that trespassing was considered fair game. In light of large distances between houses, chances are someone might be desperate to go, and better in the toilet than out in the heather. That’s just part of the friendly hospitality up in the Highlands – but don’t fear the strong arm of the law if you’d rather not let someone cross your threshold.
14. Don’t Try to Move a Dead Whale on the Beach
Odd that they need a law about this one. How many people have the wherewithal to move such a large creature, and more importantly, why would they want to? However, since 1322 it has been decreed against the law for anyone to remove a dead whale or sturgeon from the British coastline because it technically becomes the property of the ruling monarch once it is beached. In that delightful old British way, the exact wording is: “The King shall have throughout the realm, whales and great sturgeons taken in the sea or elsewhere within the realm, except in certain places privileged by the King.” What Elizabeth II does with her whales is anyone’s guess.
15. Can’t Carry a Plank of Wood While Walking Along the Pavement
Dating back to 1839, the Metropolitan Police Act, Section 54 makes it an offense for anyone to stroll down the street with a plank of wood (plus other cumbersome building materials and tools). We presume construction zones are exempt from this one. Who knows, if you’re caught breaking this law they might make you walk the plank.
16. No Jumping the Queue in the Tube Station
We knew it was impolite to butt in line, but there’s actually a law against jumping the queue in the London Underground ticket hall. Specifically, “any person directed by a notice to queue (or when asked to queue by an authorized person) shall join the rear of the queue and obey the reasonable instructions of any authorized person.” You don’t want to mess with the transit authorities.
17. Don’t Make Your House a Pigsty
This is not so much a meddling into your housekeeping standards, it’s actually illegal to keep a pigsty in the front yard of your home. One can only imagine the neighborhood squabble that brought this law into existence. On the books since 1847, it’s not an unreasonable law, per se. There’s even a stipulation in there that says a front-yard pigsty is permissible as long as its “duly hidden.” Home chicken coops are all the rage these days, now you can have fresh bacon too, as long as you hide the sty.
