So, summer is almost over and it’s time to start thinking about getting the kids back in school (hooray!) and planning for the eventual holidays. Here are the trials and tribulations of visiting family, as expressed by Eli Manning…
The parents want you to come visit and at this point, it doesn’t seem like a bad idea. You like your parents (in theory) and it might be nice to get a little built-in babysitting time so you can work on your Boggle skills.
Sure, you don’t mind spending a few days getting some home-cooking and having your parents fawn all over your kids, celebrating the miracles you’ve wrought on the Earth. Yeah, this could be fun.
Just like the old days! Yay … Not only is your group going to Mom and Dad’s, but your brother and sister and their whole family are coming along, too. Okay, in a few years you’ll definitely only have fond memories. Now, however, might be a different story.
He just got transferred into town! You know, he’s working as an insurance salesman these days, and he was just so eager to meet up with us again for the holidays! He is just so curious about you providing for your family’s future, so there should be lots of good conversation.
And then your Mom tells you “we’ve just made some great new friends in the neighborhood”. And now you realize you’ve walked into the gaping maw of a horrible trap. You’re bringing your SO and your kids into a veritable nightmare of family relations. It’s going to be a long holiday.
Well, you’ve made your bed. You did this to yourself, of course. But, you made the plans with your parents and you roped the people you really love into the whole debacle, so it’s time to move forward with determination in your eyes and dedication in your heart. Besides, it’s just a few days in the grand scheme of things. Just try to convince your kids these are cherished memories in the making.
Traveling with kids is like taking the local bus. You’re constantly surrounded with weird smells and noises, it’s always incredibly loud, someone is always kicking the back of your seat, you’re embarrassed for yourself and your family, and you’re always making tons and tons of stops.
You drove all this way so you could hear your Dad talk about all the cool stuff he learned on Fox News this week. You’re slowly starting to remember why it is you keep these schedules restricted to once or twice a year. I mean, sure, they’re your blood, but …
You have such wonderful memories of sitting down to a table and having your Mom plop down some food on the table. It was incredible! It’s amazing what a decade or two of experience in the kitchen can do to your fond memories. Does your Mom only use salt in her cooking?
Oh, yay, it’s THIS point in the family gathering, when we all trade humiliating stories that mostly seem to be about what a moronic screw-up you are. Why did you forget this part of the exercise? Oh, probably because you blocked it out.
You’ve still got two full days with these people. You’ve been here for four hours. Your parents stopped helping with the kids after the initial coo, and the kids themselves are already bored. You’re surrounded by strangers and pretending to like terrible food. It’s going to be a long week.
As you pack up the kids and make your way home, there’s only one real thought ringing in your head. This time it’s over. No matter how much they beg or plead, you’ll never, ever allow yourself to be suckered in to visiting these people again. It’s done, and you’re a stronger person for it.