Know Before You Go

19 Reasons It’s Still Safe to Visit London, Courtesy of #ThingsThatLeaveBritainReeling

by

Last week, the city of London was the victim of two nearly simultaneous terrorist attacks that have claimed the lives of as many as eight people. As a result of these attacks — the third in the city in 10 weeks — domestic cable news has been abuzz with cries of a heightened state of fear permeating the city. Prime Minister Theresa May has echoed those cries by claiming that the city is under siege. Londoners have rewarded May with an approval rating that continues to shrink as the country moves toward another election. After all, the kind of alarmist behavior that’s being directed at London is hardly in keeping with the city’s famous “Keep Calm and Carry On” mentality. If you ask an average Londoner, they’re not afraid. At worst, they’re inconvenienced. That inconvenience isn’t going to get them to change the way they do things, though. Terrorism is an unfortunate fact of life, and it’s not something that will leave the average Londoner “reeling.” The historic city has withstood worse than this, and they’ll continue to withstand worse. Perhaps that’s why it’s so excellent to find residents of the country taking to social media to declare that the terror attacks haven’t changed a thing in London. Using the snarky hashtag #ThingsThatLeaveBritainReeling, Londoners have spoken out in a unified voice, and that message is that Terror won’t get the best of a dyed-in-the-wool Londoner … weak tea, on the other hand, is an entirely different outrage.


1. The Ridges Are There for a Reason, People

Can you imagine the kind of awful human person that doesn’t even show the proper restraint to break the Kit-Kat into its four individual segments?

2. Dropping the Historical Mic

It’s remarkable how quickly people can forget that one time that the Luftwaffe bombed the ever-loving crap out of the city. Londoners simply beat the Nazis back and rebuilt. No problem.

3. There Are Few Things More Sacred than the Sanctity of the Queue

We call that a “line.” The guy we elected calls it “hurdles.” Even when he’s addressing foreign heads of state.

4. I Didn’t Even Know The London Police Had That Many Guns

The odds are good that if you visit London today, the vast majority of the cops will still look like the fella on the right.

5. There’s a Right Way and a Wrong Way

Tea is meant to be brewed, not warmed. From an American standpoint, microwavable coffee is a similar travesty.

6. Your British Friends Are Laughing Right Now

I don’t get it either, but it looks like candy, and shrinking quantities of candy is never a good thing.

7. No, Not Even Morgan Freeman Gets It Right

The mind behind some of the most fascinating forays into the natural world is also one of its most trusted voices. David Attenborough has achieved righteous international fame as a naturalist. He’s got a nice set of pipes, too.

8. Not Sure Who They’re Referring To, Here …

Prime Minister Theresa May’s conservative attachment to Donald Trump is costing her big time in the polls. It might even cost her party the upcoming election against Labor. (Fingers crossed.)

9. Just Because They’re Older Doesn’t Mean They’re Number One

This is something that has always perplexed me, too — I don’t think about it too long, though, because I don’t have to spend much downtime scrolling to the bottom of the list.

10. Sure It’s Nice, But Who Likes to Run?

Sometimes the importance of politeness can actually backfire in some very strange and unexpected ways.

11. It Really Is Easier

Even the average American has to keep a smartphone handy to remind them how many pints are in a quart and that whole mess.

12. One Suspects That a Second Ticket Wasn’t Purchased

Honestly, if you’re going to cart around such bulky items, you should really consider getting a taxi if at all possible. Unless you’re allowing passengers free pets, in which case, there’s room for negotiation.

13. Getting to Know You Games = The Worst

Americans might like to take the opportunity to tell the entire room something about the little snowflake that they are, British people prefer to reserve that information for people they like, not people they work with.

14. The Horror, the Horror

It’s a nightmare that most Americans realize in the form of an Oreo falling off into a glass of ice cold milk. Dunking is an art form.

15. My Personal Hero

He’s what The Daily Show with Trevor Noah referred to as a “one man ‘Keep Calm and Carry On.’”

16. It’s a Total Contradiction in Terms

If you’re trying to express that there’s no way you could carry any less then you should say, “I couldn’t care less.” The other way means that there is a way to care less.

17. That’s Like Getting Robbed Twice

Not sure this frustration is something specific to people in Britain, but props to this gentlemen for holding on to that pain until the time was right to publicly shame that dastardly vending machine.

18. It’s a Natural Point of Consternation

One day too late and you’re stuck with almost two weeks of trash before they come around again; one day too early and you just look like a fool.

19. Well, They Did Sort of Invent the Language

Americans just made it cool.


×