Hawaii is like the jewel on the crown of America. Is it close to the mainland? Nope. Is it particularly strategic? Nuh-uh. Rich in natural resources? Not at all. No, Hawaii is that bit of land that almost seems like it was added to the country because people needed a wonderful tropical vacation spot where they could still technically be in the United States. Thinking of moving to or visiting the Aloha State? Keep in mind that there are some weird rules, customs and laws in America’s paradise.
1. No Double-Fisting
When you’re visiting the islands, maintaining your calm (and your buzz) are absolutely necessary. Of course, you have to take everything in stride and the state’s laws enforce that by decreeing you can only have one alcoholic beverage in front of you at any given moment. You better hope the service is good wherever you’re drinking.
2. Fish, Again?
This one’s not actually a law or rule as much as it might be a warning to any travelers. Beware of SPAM. You might already know to avoid the canned meat at the market (because, gross), but in Hawaii they love them some potted meat. Hawaiians are actually the country’s biggest consumers of SPAM.
3. No Bathing Suits Allowed
Apparently, if you’re wearing a bathing suit in the streets of Waikiki you’d better also wear something on top of it or else you could be looking at legal trouble. Cover up, people. You have to wonder if that rule came about out of a sense of public propriety or because too many bathing suit wearers were getting husbands in trouble with their significant others.
4. Don’t Eat Your Second Wife…Wait, WHAT?!
One of the state’s indigenous Polynesian people, the Orakama, are very careful to insure the safety of the women who get married. They have declared it illegal to eat your second wife. Whether or not that same rule works for the first, third, or any subsequent wives isn’t for sure … probably best to just hope you’re wife number two, I guess.
5. No Cat Ladies in Hawaii
Apparently, in Hawaii, they’re anti-pet. Legislation in the state maintains that it’s completely illegal for a private residence to have more than fifteen dogs and cats at any given time. It’s entirely possible that so many cuddly things all under one roof could create health concerns, but how can you resist those puppy dog eyes or cute whiskers?
6. People of the Sea
While we can only hope that this one isn’t strictly enforced, according to active state law, residents could get fined as a result of not having a boat. Of course, this one might actually take care of itself considering the state is actually split into a bunch of little parts scattered around the ocean. I mean, you can’t take public transportation to get around that, right?
7. No Wandering
At one point in the state’s history, they must have really discouraged aimlessness because it was illegal to actually leave your house without knowing where you were going. This kind of seems unfair, to be honest. After all, when the beach is never far away no matter where you are, wandering sounds like an incredible past time.
8. Don’t Bother the Pigeons
They take their birds’ serenity very seriously in the Aloha State. According to public custom, it’s inappropriate to annoy any bird who’s lounging within the limits of a public park. That’s ridiculous, of course, because if you’ve ever seen a pigeon, you know they’re just asking for it. I guess if you have some pigeon angst to work out outside the parks, they’re fair game, though.
9. Behind the Ear Tattoos Are Forbidden!
Unless an actively working doctor is in attendance, Hawaii has outlawed its residents getting a tattoo behind their ear or on their eyelid (why would anyone want to get a tattoo on their eyelid?!). That’s gotta make tats like these super expensive, right? I can’t imagine what those doctors charge in standing around fees.
10. Don’t Feed the Sharks
In Hawaii, it’s illegal to feed sharks, though it shouldn’t be, because anyone foolish enough to actually kick off the hunger instinct of a shark deserves what’s coming to them. It’s also illegal to be in possession of shark fin in Hawaii and for good reason. They’re nature’s murderers, but they’re still freaking awesome.
11. The Double Standard
This is a rule you can definitely attribute to the shadowy, yet powerful pickup truck lobby. In Hawaii, it’s illegal to ride in the backseat of a car when you’re not wearing a seat belt. It is, however, totally fine for someone to sit in the back of a moving pickup truck without wearing any kind of safety equipment.
12. Twins Are Never Allowed to Work Together
According to state law, it’s illegal for twins to work for the same company. I totally get that, actually. It can be incredibly awkward for people to have to figure out the subtle differences that makes someone unique, regardless of the fact that twins may have actual skills to contribute to the same company.
13. The No Coins in the Ear Rule
Someone had a traumatic experience with an uncle who thought he was clever but really just invaded your personal space. Oh, you found a coin in my ear? Because it was dirty? Hi-LAR-ious, Uncle Jerry, you should do that magic trick for everyone who’s not me. And I get to keep the quarter? Golly! You’re so generous. It does seem a little extreme to make an official law against coins in ears, though.
14. Pidgin – “Language of Emotions”
English and Hawaiian are the official languages of the state, but there’s also a mash-up of these two tongues that’s been evolving ever since the 1800s as a result of the influx of new people to the state. This hybrid pidgin/creole is considered the “language of emotions” and it’s spoken by a large portion of the state’s population (though they’re also English speakers).
15. Billboards Are 100% Illegal
Here’s a rule that more states in the U.S. could benefit from. In Hawaii, it’s illegal to put up a billboard. Of course, that kind of makes sense. After all, when you’ve got ridiculously gorgeous natural splendor stretching out on all sides, why in the heck would you want to pollute that experience with some unnecessary advertising?
